There's no punking Kutcher's new role on 'Two and a Half Men'

“As kids we’re not taught how to deal with success; we’re taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?” Charlie Sheen, the winning tiger-blooded warlock, facetiously asked about his contribution to society, according to the website Brainy Quote.

“I just didn’t believe I was like everybody else; I thought I was unique.” While in interview after interview, Sheen expressed how the gift of Charlie was the utmost offering of the gods, Two and a Half Men’s executive producer Chuck Lorre deemed death to the celebrity for being a toothless raving maniac.

In the case of this show revolving around an ageless philandering playboy, Lorre could alter Sheen’s “I have one speed: go”  to be “I have one speed: no.”

Rumors ran flippantly, as did Sheen’s prized goddesses and marketability, regarding the fate of a show parodying the exact lifestyle Sheen practiced.

What is a show about Charlie Sheen without Charlie Sheen? Instead of executing the golden goose of CBS’ comedy lineup, a new search regarding the show’s identity was reinstated resulting in (Demi Moore’s plaything) Ashton Kutcher taking the new lead of the show.

While That ‘70s Show portrayed Kutcher as a brainless drug abuser and Nikon anointed him as a quirky partying celebrity with a camera, the combination had the “winning” watered down resemblance of Sheen. The Lorre-infused death of Sheen extended into the world of Charlie Harper.

The ninth season of Two and a Half Men opened with all-time high ratings of close to 29 million viewers.

With great ratings, as well as an often shirtless Kutcher, reanimation of the show seemed a plausible conclusion of many a viewer. However, the role of trying to be Charlie Sheen seemed to take over Kutcher’s life as exposes were written over relations with a young mistress.

Kutcher would search for moments that were meaningful with his playmate just to remind us that the real and the unreal rush together in the land of Hollywood, and that the magic of Sheen was his charm to walk away and on to the next willing participant. After a tumultuous split from the former Mrs. Bruce Willis, Kutcher seemed to be screaming “gimme Moore” into his Two and a Half Men performance, each week pining his love for his disinterested ex.

To mask the resurrection of Jon Cryer’s character in early seasons of the show through Kutcher’s new character, the script writers resulted to giving Kutcher childlike behavior such as throwing food and tantrums. Unfortunately the use of child-humor was already done in the “half” portion of the show, as there was already a child to do the child humor.

Sheen was reported of tweeting his congratulatory remarks of success to Kutcher with the season opening of 2011. The real question remains as to who walked away with the success: Sheen with his bi-winning instillation of making bowling shirts and the rock-n-roller lifestyle cool again, or Lorre for being able to continue his show without a plot.

Mary Gonsiorek is a senior English major from Fort Worth.