Hey, its Dr. Love again. OK, so I may not be a real doctor, I just pretend to be one at the Skiff. When we ended part one of this article last week, we discussed various subjects in regards to the beginning stages of dating.These are rules in dating that should always be followed, but in my time at TCU, I have noticed these rules have been brushed aside many times.
In part two of this article, we will dissect long-term relationships and, if it is time to end one, how you can do it kindly but truthfully. I felt the need to discuss this topic because I realized most people may go through breakups at some point in their lives, but today, people too often feel the unnecessary urge to sugarcoat something that probably would be best absorbed if it went down unsweetened.
This rule goes out to both women and men: So, have you recently realized that your significant someone who seemed to give you butterflies a few months ago now seems to only give you headaches? It just might be time to stick a fork in what was once a blossoming relationship.
But you don’t want to hurt that person’s feelings. Oh, heavens no! I mean, we’re the generation that grew up with Mr. Rogers and Barney telling us we should be kind to one another, no matter what. So instead, you just tell that person, “Hey, it’s not you. It’s me.”
Now, is it really you? Or was it his or her constant jealousy of you hanging out with your friends when he or she wanted to sit at home with you all night and watch reruns of “Family Guy” or “Sex in the City” ?
We are bombarded with relationship counselors stressing the need for honesty within relationships. Well, people should also strive to develop a sense of honesty when ending these relationships.
Now, I’m not advocating that you take this as a license to bash your former flame’s heart in with brutal honesty and leave them in the ER of “Heartbreak Hospital.” Nor do I say that you should only be honest out of some belief that both parties will magically end up reunited in blissful love in two weeks because of this newfound honesty.
Rather, being truthful will help both you and the other person when moving on to future relationships. You will both be able to work toward fixing flaws you may have had in previous relationships.
Another common white lie we sugarcoat a breakup with is the old “I still want to be friends” line. Now granted, in certain cases, being friends is always a viable option for those who are no longer dating.
However, the fact that just the previous day you were telling your best friend that you hope you “never have to see his ugly face again” or that “just thinking of her makes you nauseous,” is probably an indicator that you don’t want to be friends.
By stating otherwise, you’re just playing mind games, not only with the other party, but also with yourself. This phrase makes me think of the thousand-year-old proverb that wisely states, “Trix are for kids.” OK, maybe that was less of a proverb and more of a cereal commercial slogan, but it still applies.
A more realistic approach may be to say, “Hey, this may be rough, but how about we not talk for a few weeks and then decide if we want to be friends or not.”
This time of separation will allow both parties’ emotions to come down to a more stable and calm level, in which case, it would then be more feasible to determine whether you really want to be friends or if you’d rather continue using his or her picture for dart practice.
Hopefully now, if you ever do end up finding yourself in this situation, with this advice, you may try not telling that one little white lie and just being honest.
Glenton Richards is a senior radio-TV-film major from Carrollton.