Too much fun may add an extra semester to college

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    They don’t call me a super senior for nothing, you know? That’s right. I’m here a semester later than I should be. And it’s super.Anyway, being super doesn’t come easy. Besides the extra $15,000 in loans, I get one more chance to share my experiences to the young, unknowing freshmen.

    It feels like only yesterday that I was a freshman … ending the year with a 2.0 GPA and losing all my scholarships. That’s right, I, Shawn Finer, of all people, was struggling. Do not let this get you down; it happens to the best of us. The best being me, obviously. Did I tell you arrogance comes with age? I’ve been taught a lot of college lessons.

    If you want to succeed, you must mark my words and see my message here as one of inspiration and love for my fellow Horned Frogs.

    I have a tendency to follow the philosophy “drinking is thinking.” Now don’t go out and think you can just guzzle down a bottle of Maker’s Mark Whiskey (trust me); you have to be responsible. Let me use an analogy. I must admit it is not my original creation, some of you may have heard this before, but hear me out.

    Think of a herd of buffalo. That herd can only move as fast as the slowest and weakest buffalo. When a predator attacks, which one does it get? That’s right, the slowest and weakest buffalo.

    Alcohol is a predator to your brain, which can only move as fast as the slowest and weakest brain cell. So which brain cell is being attacked by the predator we call alcohol? That’s right, the slowest and weakest one, leaving only the strongest to thrive.

    Of course, to keep on the good side of the university, I am not condoning power hour with red bull and j„ger (also not a good idea, trust me). When too many predators attack, much like drinking too much alcohol, the herd, or brain cells, become scattered, chaotic, and it takes awhile for things to fall back in line or, in some circumstances, never at all.

    It’s also a bad idea to skip the last three weeks before finals to “celebrate” the upcoming summer.

    Do not, under any circumstance, think it would be a good idea to jump in Frog Fountain. It is definitely frowned upon.

    Now, I understand that as a freshman you want to party and have fun, and, if done responsibly, that’s fine by me, but heed my advice: if you have been partying and then go to class the following morning and think you have something smart to say in the middle of the lecture, it is best to just remain quiet and write down the notes (trust me).

    My freshman year I watched other students who thought they were smarter than the professor. Don’t think that; they will find a way to embarrass you. Luckily for me, I already knew I was a dumb ass.

    Now, I don’t have personal experience with this, but do not go streaking around Colby. While it seems like fun and games, the kid who did, ran into a bush and it was apparently sharp.

    I didn’t join a fraternity, but I urge all to try and see if the Greek system is for you.

    Always be kind to the administration – it has your tuition.

    Most of the athletes are very large; I wouldn’t try to pick fights with them.

    For the freshman men, if a girl comes on to you, take the opportunity.

    For the freshman women, if a guy comes on to you, push him away as much as possible; he’ll be back.

    Being political causes bitterness, disagreement, arguments and instigates rage, so talk about politics as much as possible.

    Do not throw things at protesters. Well, when there are some. We had a couple once.

    As a senior I have discovered many things that, had I known them as a freshman, would have helped me grow faster and hopefully I would have graduated on time. It took me three years to get my GPA above a 3.0, and had I known what I know now, I’d easily have a 3.1.

    So be more responsible than I was: if you do the keg stand, don’t do that shot. If you think you have a good idea at a party, you probably don’t. Listen to your professor rather than the devil on your shoulder, and pass your classes or you will lose the greatest time of your life to a few nights of fun.

    Enjoy college. Enjoy TCU. Be super. Go Frogs. You are going to love it here.