All right, I have a confession to make. I like frat-daddy clothing. Honestly, the boat shoes, the khaki shorts, the Polos – minus the popped-collar (read: misguided fad) – I love it all. Now, look down. If you are currently sporting clothing similar to this, you can kindly stop reading; this won’t apply to you … today. For the rest of you, take a seat, continue reading and please, try not to let me hurt your feelings.
Let’s take it from the top. Boys, I know that some of you truly believe in a man’s right to primp his hair. Fine, at least you are trying. Let’s go over a few points. Frosted tips – don’t do it. Just because Ryan Cabrera thinks frosted tips are cool, does not mean they are. He is misinformed.
You know what Ryan Cabrera also does incorrectly? The use of hair gel. Don’t do that either. Girls want to thread their hands through your hair, not be stabbed by it. The trick to hair products is to make it seem like you aren’t using them. Go ask your girlfriend/female friend/sister about it. If you don’t have one single female in your life, maybe you should ask yourself why. Do you wear hair gel?
Now, let’s chat about body piercings. I know they were in for a while in the early ’90s, and that was “all that and a bag of chips,” but it’s 2006 now. Take the earring out.
Moving right along to the shirt, I have one question. Is your shirt wrinkled? Probably. I know that mornings are stressful, and going to class does not always seem like a more productive option to sleeping, but you aren’t fooling anyone with that wrinkled polo. Just because it’s a good shirt does not make it OK. I (and every other girl) know you just picked up the least wrinkled, foul-smelling shirt off the floor in a quick haste. Don’t deny it either; I’ve witnessed the sniff test. Though there is one positive aspect to this act – you probably didn’t have enough time to get around to the hair gel.
Now, pants are a big issue. Can you please just pull them up and get everything in place? Thank you. Visible bra straps on girls are tacky, and you know what? You are no exception to the undergarment rule. I really do not want to see the St. Patrick’s Day boxers your mommy bought you in honor of your Irish heritage. Be a man and buy a belt, and if you want to go for bonus points, match the tone of said belt (brown or black) to your shoes.
Now that we have determined the correct location of your shorts, let’s discuss the material. Take a peek downward. Are your shorts denim? I hope not because jean shorts were totally rad in the ’80s – not today. Khakis are a much better option.
There is also a correct length for shorts. If you are currently sporting shorts the same length as your girlfriend’s, you might want to consider lengthening them.
Out of the kindness of my heart, I’ll share with you this. On the right guy, some of these fashion don’ts can be cute. We may still try to change them, but they can be attractive. If you are going to try this strategy, keep in mind that an exceptional personality is required.
I think it’s time for me to get off my soapbox. Remember, if you don’t know whether something looks good, just go find any female and ask her. Honestly, we aren’t trying to be mean; it’s for your own good – or so we say.
Shannon Kelly is a sophomore advertising/public relations major from Dallas. She does not hate men – just some of their fashion faux pas.