I’m going to come right out and say it: There is no such thing as “casual sex” for a woman.There are indeed hookups, hot make-out sessions and the drunken-yet-frisky petting that a college coed inherits when walking out of the double doors of high school and onto the well manicured lawns of TCU.
But, my concern is not any of the above. It is the one-night stand. This can, and most of the time does, become an icky black pit for a woman’s self-esteem. It is an easy hole to fall into, but one that is hard to grope your remorseful self out of. The painful realization sinks in that the only thing that will come out of this is a text message a day or so later saying, “What’s up?”
I understand women have needs and desires, and I like to hook up as much as any horny frat boy out there. The difference is, at the end of the day, women cannot separate sex from emotions.
Sure women may want to act like men: drinking beer, watching senseless hours of football and, most importantly, deriving limitless pleasure from crotch scratching. But at the end of the day, a woman is still a woman, and is biologically built to attach emotionally to her sexual partner.
Men have been proven since the caveman days to have a biological need to spread their seed to anyone who’s ready and willing. Even with chimpanzees, males go up to the females, do their little “hubba hubba” dance and procreate with every female chimp that gives them a second glance.
Female chimps, like humans, have chemicals released in their brain saying, as my favorite character in “Sex and the City,” Charlotte, once so simply put: “Mate for life, Mate for life!”
I admit there is the occasional girl out there who can have sex like a man. I say cheers to this girl. But for every one of those women who can have sex freely without regret, there are a hundred who cannot get past their own biological tendencies, no matter how often they may try.
So then, why do thousands of women put their general well-being at risk by having intimate relations with men without even knowing their last names?
Deep down, all women hope and think that this guy will be “the one,” even if only for the next couple of months.
A recent story comes to mind: After a football game, a good friend of mine had too much fun at the tailgate, and way too much fun at an after party. She went home with a guy. She knew he was “kind of” talking to an acquaintance of hers. She knew he “kind of” had a bad reputation as a hard-partier and a womanizer. He was just so darn cute and charming – and he seemed really nice.
Maybe everyone was wrong about him. Why shouldn’t she give him a try? He certainly appeared interested in getting to know her beyond just that night. Well ladies, you know how this TCU fairy tale ends.
The ugly, messy, ratted hair, morning-after truth of it is: No guy will sleep with a girl right off the bat if he ever plans on having a relationship with her.
Even if a guy likes a girl, and the opportunity to have sex arises, most men I interviewed said they would abstain if they could see something formidable happening down the road. Men don’t want a challenge ripped out of their hands that quickly if they see it being a worthwhile and satisfying pursuit in the end.
It’s just another mean biological kicker ladies. While you think being nice, sweet and available will catch that guy, men will always be chasing the girl they think is, and acts, a little too good for them.
At the end of the day, after he doesn’t call, women almost always feel sad that he really didn’t care after all. You weren’t special. He went on with his Sunday watching football and drinking beer. The next weekend he did it all over again with a different girl.
With all the hoopla about STDs lately (and this goes out to women and men alike), if they give it up after just a few sweet words, one long starry-eyed glance, and the classic, “You’re so beautiful.” It’s probably not the first time they have done so. They have most likely have been around the block at least a couple times, and you’re just one more Whataburger stop for the weekend. Gonorrhea easy come … not so easy go.
Many girls claim these one-night stands don’t mean anything. Girls will even tell the guy it didn’t mean anything, as if saying this made it true. But that little piece of a woman’s heart they could have saved for a guy who was truly worth it, always gets given away, and they can’t get that piece back no matter how many vodka tonics, other random boys or cry sessions they invest in the following weeks.
So don’t just be a friend to your girls, be a friend to yourself and take the casual out of “casual sex.”
Beth Wreford is a senior broadcast journalism and political science major from St. Louis.