I think I have movies all too figured out. Creativity is lacking, and even if there are awesome special effects, insane gun fights, eye-popping plots and naked mud wrestling, the movies have become incredibly predictable.Think about it. You are in a gunfight and run out of ammo, what do you do? Heck, just throw the gun away; another one that is bigger, better and fully automatic with a full clip is bound to come along. Not only that, but that particular magazine is so full that it doesn’t run out of ammo. While that gun is being shot, 18 other guys are shooting back at you, but you kill them all while their bullets spark off everything that sits around you within a 5-foot radius.
Now, there are the cars in movies. It’s very rare that you ever see people filling up gas into their vehicles, but when they do, something bad happens – a truck runs into the tanks or a drive-by takes place right there.
When those things do happen, it is generally that particular officer’s last day, so he has one last chance to escape death, be a true hero and retire the next day with pride.
Also important is that in every police investigation, there is at least one strip club, porn shop or underground prostitution ring as part of a crime scene, but oddly, never investigated further.
And, although those cars don’t need gas, they do once there is a car chase, which seems to be the only time that cars run out of gas. Well, they also run out of gas next to a scary cemetery, where there are strange noises that the driver must investigate and is then killed by murderous, Satan-worshipers in the middle of a ritual.
But what about when the actors don’t have cars? They take taxis. It just amazes me when the person pulls out wadded, wrinkled money and throws it in the driver’s face and neither of them actually count the money. It’s always the exact amount the person needs. Astonishing.
Microphones never fail. Every time someone walks up to a microphone and says something, it gives feedback, screeches and the person must act like he is shocked, wait for it to stop, tap the microphone and then continue on with whatever he was going to say.
And, seriously, is it really all that realistic that prostitutes look like Julia Roberts? If that were the case … nevermind.
No matter what era – medieval, colonial or Civil War – almost everyone has perfect teeth. They aren’t rotting; they are straight, and they look just fabulous.
Movies tricked me into believing that if I turn off all the lights in my house, I will still be able to see just fine with the nice bluish tint that pitch-black gives off.
Russian accents always mean that the guy is mean, tough and most likely a terrorist.
Musical instruments make various noises and sounds without really playing them.
Lipstick is everlasting.
And ugly girls can always be made hot with merely a hairdo and removing her glasses.
The worst part about all these errors and stupid scenarios, are the people who have to tell you about them every time they see one, like my girlfriend for instance. Ugh.
Movies, while graphically appealing, still have these types of mind-boggling features. While it annoys me, I love them, and they make me happy.
Design Editor Shawn Finer is an economics major from Hurst.